Holiday and Event Stress

Most people tend to think of holiday stress in terms of the time period from Thanksgiving to New Years, but any big event or activity can trigger this same sort of stress, which is ultimately caused by unrealistic expecations.  People may dread these holidays or events because of family or personal problems, and they feel overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed.  We tend to strive for the myth of the "perfect" holiday; the Christmas of our childhood, or the wedding where absolutely nothing goes wrong.  We often base our expectations on what we see in movies and the media.

When we are stressed, we do not always practice good self-care.  We are especially prone to eating too much, drinking too much alcohol, spending way too much money, sleeping too little, and generally trying to do too many things.  We are all affected in some way during these times, no matter what our beliefs, religious affiliation, family or life circumstance.

So how can you avoid this type of stress and have a truly enjoyable holiday season or event?  The first step is to lower your expectations.  Be realistic about what you can do and expect from others.  Reassess your priorities--do you really need to bake cookies for everyone you know?  Decide whose expectations you are trying to live up to and why.  Perhaps there are tasks you can simply let go of or delegate to other family members.  Remember, it's okay to say "no" if you feel that another obligation will be overwhelming.

When it comes to the holidays, don't overwork yourself with preparations.  You don't have to decorate everything in sight.  Let someone else host the annual holiday party this year.  Choose the events you want to attend carefully, making sure you celebrate what the holiday means to you.  Enjoy everyone else's preparations with child-like wonder, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells of the season.  The same holds true for other events--choose your priorities and whenever possible, allow others to help or pay someone else (within a reasonable budget) to handle the things for which you may not have the time or expertise.

Speaking of money, spend it wisely.  Remember you could be adding stress to the entire year if you overspend. It's okay to tell your child that a gift is too expensive for Christmas or a birthday.  Even Santa Claus has limited funds and a long list!  Children need to learn that their wish is not someone's command and to curb their desires for immediate gratification.  People are not going to notice or care whether the flowers for your party or reception came from the grocery store or that expensive florist down the street.  Tone down holiday commercialism by beefing up traditions that don't cost money like caroling, volunteering time, or asking the kids to choose a few of their toys to give to needy children.  Use your creativity to come up with decorations or gifts that are less expensive and more meaningful.

Be realistic about relatives.  Don't expect to resolve past issues during this time, and don't expect everyone to get along perfectly.  If you and your family do get along, great!  Otherwise, focus on the reason for the gathering, not the problems, and be sure to plan some time away from family to do other things.  Support from those you do enjoy being around is important, especially if you are away from loved ones or have recently experienced a tragic event, the loss of a loved one, a separation, or divorce. Practice good self-care by eating right, getting enough sleep, and taking time to relax.  Above all, give yourself a break. Allow yourself to be flexible and don't get upset if things don't go exactly the way you planned.  However you spend your holidays or special event, find something good in it--even if it's the thought that "soon it will be over!"